Let’s be clear about coercive control.
Coercive control refers to a pattern of behaviour in which an individual uses various tactics to dominate and control another person. These tactics may include intimidation, isolation, surveillance, manipulation, and sometimes physical or sexual abuse. While coercive control is a form of domestic violence, it does not necessarily involve physical violence, making it harder to identify and escape.
The Impact of Coercive Control
Coercive control can have a serious impact on the victim's mental and physical well-being. It can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Victims may also experience physical symptoms such as chronic pain, headaches, and digestive issues due to prolonged stress and fear.
Tactics Used in Coercive Control
Abusers employ a range of strategies to exert control, including:
Isolation: Cutting off the victim from family and friends, limiting access to transportation or communication devices, and preventing them from leaving the house.
Surveillance: Monitoring the victim’s phone, computer, social media activity, or even installing cameras to track their movements.
Financial Control: Restricting access to money or resources, preventing employment, or interfering with career growth.
Threats: Using intimidation, threats of violence, harm to children or pets, or other forms of punishment to instil fear.
Gaslighting: Manipulating the victim’s perception of reality, causing them to doubt their own memories and experiences.
Strategies for Identifying and Dealing with Coercive Control
Recognising coercive control is the first step to regaining autonomy. If you suspect you or someone you know is experiencing this form of abuse, consider the following strategies:
1. Educate Yourself and Recognise the Signs
Understanding what coercive control looks like can help victims and their support networks take action. Common signs include feeling afraid of a partner’s reaction, constantly second-guessing decisions, and feeling isolated from loved ones.
2. Strengthen Your Support System
Connecting with trusted friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional reinforcement and practical assistance. A strong support network is crucial for breaking free from coercive relationships.
3. Keep Records of Abuse
Document incidents, including threats, controlling behaviour, and manipulations. Keeping a journal or storing messages and emails can be essential for seeking legal protection.
4. Seek Professional Help
Therapy and Counselling: A therapist or life coach can help victims rebuild their self-esteem and develop coping strategies.
Legal Support: Seeking advice from legal professionals about restraining orders, custody rights, and financial independence is vital.
Domestic Abuse Services: Organisations provide safe spaces, legal aid, and guidance for those trying to leave abusive situations.
5. Plan a Safe Exit Strategy
Leaving a coercive relationship can be dangerous, so it’s essential to plan carefully. Consider:
Finding a safe place to stay.
Informing a trusted person about your plans.
Having emergency contacts and important documents ready.
Reaching out to local domestic violence centres for help.
6. Regain Financial Independence
If financial control is a factor, take small steps toward independence, such as opening a separate bank account, saving small amounts of money, or seeking employment opportunities.
7. Set Boundaries and Rebuild Confidence
Healing from coercive control takes time. Setting firm boundaries with the abuser, practising self-care, and working on personal growth can help rebuild autonomy and confidence.
Seeking Help
Coercive control is a serious issue, but help is available. If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, reach out for support. Contact a domestic violence hotline or shelter, talk to a trusted friend or family member, or seek counselling. You can always book a discovery call with me to help you plan your options.
