Children's Mental Health Week

This week is Children’s Mental Health Week, giving a voice to children and young people.

Supporting children's mental health as a parent is crucial for their overall well-being and essential to developing an emotionally intelligent and resilient adult. During childhood, especially between the ages of 3-7, children lay down some of their fundamental social and emotional skills. These skills are mostly influenced by their environment and the availability of good role models to model their own behaviours on.

So that children can develop emotional intelligence, they need to be able to focus their mental energy on learning. If the foundations of a secure childhood are missing, then this learning is inhibited.

Factors that affect the ability of children and young people to learn and model fundamental social and emotional skills:

Parental capacity

·         Basic needs

·         Feeling unsafe in their environment

·         Lack of emotional warmth and connection

·         Lack of or inconsistent guidance and boundaries

·         Lack of stimulation or overstimulation

·         Instability

Developmental needs

·         Lack of access to health and education

·         Restricted or unavailable family and social relationships

·         Absence or lack of self-care skills

·         Unclear rules or boundaries about social presentation

·         Lack of self-identity

Family and environmental factors

·         Housing

·         Income

·         Employment

·         Family history and functioning

·         Family’s social integration

·         Wider family

·         Community resources

When a child or young person lacks the environmental factors that allow them to feel safe, loved, nurtured and stable with their basic needs catered for, they enter into survival mode. This results in the focus of their attention being diverted into staying alive and hampers the development of social and emotional intelligence. In coaching, this is known as the acronym of CRASH state.

·         Constricted

·         Reactive

·         Absent/Analysis Paralysis (overthinking)

·         Separate/detached

·         Hostile

Growth only occurs in the acronym of COACH state.

·         Centred

·         Open

·         Aware/alert/attentive

·         Connected

·         Hospitable/sociable/welcoming

Here are some ways you can create the necessary environment for your children to be open to developing their abilities and in COACH state:

Create a Safe Environment

Ensure your child feels safe and loved at home. This includes providing physical safety as well as emotional security.

Open Communication

Encourage open communication with your child. Let them know they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment. Listen actively and empathetically when they share their thoughts and feelings.

Validate Their Feelings

Help your child understand and express their emotions. Let them know that all feelings are valid and it's okay to experience a range of emotions.

Teach Coping Skills

Teach your child healthy coping skills to manage stress and difficult emotions. This might include deep breathing exercises, mindfulness techniques, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy.

Set Realistic Expectations

Avoid putting too much pressure on your child to excel academically or in extracurricular activities. Help them set realistic goals and celebrate their achievements, no matter how small.

Encourage Healthy Habits

Promote a healthy lifestyle by encouraging regular exercise, nutritious eating habits, and adequate sleep. Physical health is closely linked to mental well-being.

Limit Screen Time

Set limits on screen time, including TV, computers, and smartphones. Too much screen time can negatively impact mental health and sleep quality.

Establish Routines

Establishing consistent routines can provide structure and stability for children, which can help reduce anxiety and stress.

Be a Positive Role Model

Children often learn by example, so model healthy behaviours and positive coping strategies in your own life.

Every Child is Unique

Remember that every child is unique, so it's important to be flexible and adapt your approach to meet your child's individual needs. What works for one person may not work for another.

It is important to seek the relevant professional help if your child is unduly struggling. Remember that growth comes from overcoming difficulties. Striking the right balance between allowing growth to occur autonomously and providing much-needed support can be a tricky tightrope to navigate. It is a common occurrence that I am contacted by concerned parents, with good reason, only to establish that their own discomfort is usurping the needs of the child.