Managing Children's Anger in a Positive Way
Anger is a natural and healthy emotion that helps children learn and navigate life. However, when anger turns into aggression or violence, it becomes problematic. It's crucial to equip our children with tools to manage their anger effectively, channelling it into a positive force.
Why do children experience anger?
Academic struggles or exam pressure
Bullying
Friendship issues
Witnessing adults argue
Life changes like moving homes or schools
Excessive exposure to online information
Hormonal changes during adolescence
Conditions like ADHD and autism
Not being understood by those around them
To help children navigate emotions, learn from experiences, and harness anger constructively, consider these tips:
1. Open communication: Adopt a non-judgmental approach and work through feelings together. Regular conversations build trust. Encourage kids to talk to trusted adults or peers.
2. Label emotions: Create emotion cards with facial expressions (happy, sad, angry, etc.). Children can use these to express and discuss their feelings.
3. Timing: Address anger shortly after an outburst, not during, for productive discussions. Typically, anger hormones take at least 20 minutes to subside.
4. Consistency: Avoid giving in to tantrums, as it reinforces negative behaviour.
5. Establish rules: Define unacceptable behaviours (name-calling, property damage, hurting others) and consequences. Post these rules visibly. Make sure you define the behaviour and don’t make it personal.
6. Lead by example: Remain calm and consistent. Losing control models the behaviour you aim to avoid. Managing your emotional state is crucial, and apologising if you cannot do this.
7. Make sure the conversations are age-appropriate and ask your child if they have understood what you have communicated.
8. Don’t make it about your issues, bringing your own emotional baggage and unresolved issues into the mix will only escalate things.
9. Praise positive behaviour: Use reward charts for younger kids; for older ones, highlight the positive impact of good conduct.
10. Physical activity: Exercise, outdoor activities, and fresh air promote well-being.
11. Calming techniques: Drawing, reading, listening to music, counting to ten, deep breathing, popping bubble wrap, writing and ripping paper, and self-hugging.
12. Limit screen time and social media exposure.
13. Be patient: Implementing these techniques takes time and consistency.
And remember, anger can be displayed externally or internally. Anger isn’t just explosive outbursts, it can transform into self-hatred and self-harm.
If a child's anger becomes uncontrollable or potentially harmful, seek professional help. With patience and guidance, children can learn to manage anger positively.