Understanding Narcissistic Behaviours and Managing Their Impact
I've written before about narcissism—both covert and overt. The traits of a narcissist are usually quite visible to an outsider, although often less so from the inside, particularly if you love or are close to someone with narcissistic tendencies. Exiting a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely challenging as the narcissist begins to deploy all their strategies to remain in control and protect their fragile ego.
In this article, we will explore the traits, subtleties and when the narcissist feels injured and what you can do to maintain your sanity in the chaos:
Recognising Narcissistic Traits
Some classic signs of narcissism include:
A grandiose sense of self-importance.
Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or ideal love.
A belief that they are ‘special’ and should only associate with high-status individuals.
An excessive need for admiration.
A sense of entitlement.
A tendency to exploit others interpersonally.
A lack of empathy.
Envy of others or the belief that others envy them.
Arrogant, haughty, or dismissive behaviour.
To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, an individual must consistently exhibit at least five of these traits. However, we all exhibit narcissistic behaviours from time to time, often as a reaction to feeling out of control, anxious, or hurt. The key difference lies in the frequency and motivation behind these behaviours.
The Subtler Manipulative Behaviours
Beyond the overt displays, narcissistic behaviours can manifest in more insidious ways, including:
Becoming distant or withdrawing as a form of punishment.
Acting unpredictably to create confusion.
Engaging in passive-aggressive tactics.
Gaslighting (lying to distort reality and create self-doubt in others).
Love bombing after disagreements to regain control.
Disapproving of independence or autonomy in others.
Avoiding discussions around boundaries or disagreements.
Maintaining a constant blame mentality.
Consistently shifting responsibility onto others.
Refusing to apologise, even when faced with clear evidence of wrongdoing.
While many of us may exhibit these behaviours in moments of stress, a true manipulator or narcissist will display them regularly, not as a reaction to personal distress, but as a means of maintaining their fragile self-image at the expense of others.
The Narcissistic Injury and Its Consequences
A narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist perceives a real or imagined threat to their self-image. This can result in:
Defensiveness or hostility, often through verbal or emotional attacks.
Blame-shifting to avoid accountability.
Seeking admiration or revenge to restore their ego.
Passive-aggressive behaviour, such as the silent treatment.
These reactions stem from their deep need to maintain control and superiority. If you find yourself dealing with such behaviours, particularly in high-conflict situations, it’s crucial to establish firm boundaries and avoid getting drawn into their drama.
Responding to Narcissistic Complaints
When faced with complaints or attacks—particularly those designed to provoke or damage your reputation—handling the situation with composure is key. Here’s how to navigate these interactions effectively:
Wait and Delay
Resist the urge to respond impulsively, especially to inflammatory accusations.
Take time to assess whether the complaint is valid or purely manipulative.
Consult a trusted source—colleagues, mentors, or professional associations—for perspective.
Minimise Engagement
Keep responses brief and to the point.
Avoid getting drawn into unnecessary explanations or justifications.
Do not correct false narratives—this often fuels further provocation.
Maintain Emotional and Physical Distance
Use professional channels for communication.
Do not engage in personal or social media confrontations.
Seek support from appropriate sources if the complaint escalates.
Remain Stoic and Professional
Avoid public discussions, including indirect references on social media.
Hold your ground while projecting calm confidence.
Remember that engaging in their drama only validates their behaviour.
Moving Forward
Self-awareness is a crucial first step in recognising manipulative behaviours. Many people act out of insecurity or low self-esteem, and by working on self-worth and confidence, these tendencies can diminish over time.
For those dealing with narcissistic individuals, the key is to establish clear boundaries, seek support, and avoid being drawn into their emotional games. By maintaining composure, setting limits, and refusing to engage in unnecessary conflict, you can reclaim your peace of mind and protect yourself from further harm.
If you are affected by any of the above and consider yourself to be a victim of coercive control then please seek help.
National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0800 2000 247
Victim Support 0808 1689 111
Respect Men’s Advice Line 0808 8010 327
