That inner voice, judge, critic that gives you such a hard time.

Today I'm going to talk about that inner voice, that judge, that critic, that gives you such you a hard time.

That one that says you must try harder, that you aren't good enough, that you're worthless, stupid and often much worse.

If you were to look at a small child, younger than 5, who has just achieved something that they are proud of, you'll notice that they are quick to celebrate, they are quick to show others how proud they are of their achievement and seek confirmation of how great they are. That child doesn't spring to immediate criticism. That child recognises their own worth and is pleased about it.

So what happens to turn that beautiful self-acknowledging child to change that inner voice, judge and critic to one that is so loud, so harsh, so destructive?

As children grow, they begin to recognise facial expressions, tone of voice and other nuances of the behaviours of those people around them. They learn disappointment, dismissiveness, they hear criticism, judgement. This then gets them to question what they previously thought they knew (and was probably more accurate). They listen to the input from others, parents, family members, teachers, friends and so on. And because of this input of information, that child’s map of who they are gets blurred.

Perhaps that child is a quiet, artistic mediator born to a family of high-achieving go-getting leaders and they simply do not match their parents expectations.

Perhaps that child is that go-getting leader that is born to a family of quiet get-along types and is an almost intolerable force of nature that the parents just simply don’t have the tools to deal with.

There are many reasons why a child can start questioning their strengths.

Recently, my son was expressing his frustration over his Maths lessons being repeats of what he already knew, he was losing motivation and sought help and insights from me. We decided to go through a GCSE Maths book and highlight areas he was unfamiliar with and commit to working together once a week to learn these sections. We submitted his first piece of work to his teacher, expecting some form of congratulations but was mostly met with ‘that’s great but not what we are focusing on this term’. As you can imagine, that motivation, that drive to learn, that discipline to achieve was wiped out in one email. Needless to say, he hasn’t attempted to do any additional work in Maths since.

So you can see how our inner voices can become critics, judges, harsh and change our internal narrative. I’m sure you can imagine what inner voice my son has adopted regarding Maths. (Don’t worry, we have worked on it).

So my question to you is - what do you find yourself saying to yourself that is:

Negative?

Limiting?

Destructive

Untrue

Belongs to someone else from your past?

And is it time to start changing some of those, after all, if you spoke to your friends the way you sometimes speak to yourself - would you have any friends?

To help you change that inner voice, judge and critic, use my ‘How to be your own Best Coach’ exercise.