Self-command equals self-mastery
Who else feels that they are the whim of their thoughts? That you have no control over your anxious, depressed or self-critical thoughts?
‘I can’t help the way that I feel’
‘I’ve got no control over my anxiety, it just happens’
These are comments I often hear, and for that person, that is the absolute reality for them in those moments.
But the truth of the matter is that thoughts are a process, much like maths addition or dancing. But unlike addition or dancing, the process of our thoughts is such a well-trodden path that we are half-way down the path to an anxious thought before we even realise it.
Our brains are so efficient and effective at creating ‘autopilots’ as described in The Chimp Paradox that we have them for all sorts of things like brushing our teeth, driving, writing our names, walking, talking - all automatic processes that redone with little or no thought.
The same can be said of anxiety, depression, overwhelm, tinnitus, chronic pain and many more processes that we have unintentionally created as autopilots. Our minds have no preference as to the quality of the autopilot created, only the frequency at which we apply the process. Efficiency is key, if you do something often enough your brain will create an unconscious, automatic process to free up more processing space - a bit like a computer does.
Whether you agree with me or not, you are entirely responsible for your thoughts. You can be influenced by external stimuli but the buck stops with you.
Self-command equal self-mastery. Once you learn how to take back the metaphorical reins of your stampeding thoroughbred horse and learn to tame its wild side, only then can you command its learning.
Only then can you make conscious choices about what you think, how often and when. You get to command the quality of your thoughts and therefore the quality of your life.
And this is what I teach others, as I too had to learn this skill. I believed that things ‘happened’ to me and that I had no control over my emotional state, that other people ‘made me’ feel a certain way.
Once I realised that this was a story I had been telling myself because it seemed to make sense but was essentially not sense, I could then come to terms with the enormous task of learning how to self-command. How to take back charge of my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviours and my outcomes.
It was an uphill struggle, to begin with, I failed many, many times as my autopilots did what they did best - just kept running. But there is good news.
Autopilots are a bit like cake recipes, they have a specific structure in order to be successful. If you change the structure or recipe then you change the cake.
5 steps to changing your autopilots
Notice that they are autopilots, that you have unintentionally created, this bit is important otherwise you start the autopilot of guilt or blame, a saboteur of success.
Interrupt the autopilot, Coach Shirzad recommends labelling it, for example ‘there goes my anxiety again, telling me stories that are untrue’.
Replace the next step with something that is different and I recommend activating one of your senses. Sight (focus on nature, the intricate colours of a bird), Touch (stroke your cat, wiggle your toes to see how many you can find, or pay attention to the texture of the food that you eat). Sound (listen to the farthest or nearest sounds that you can hear, really listen to them). Smell/Taste (the temperature of your breath as you breathe in and out, the tastes you can taste in your mouth or in the air)
Distract your thoughts and direct them to focus on what you would prefer to be thinking or doing that is more positive or life-enhancing.
If your mind starts to wander back, which it will, many, many times, repeat the process until this becomes the autopilot.