Destructive behaviours - why do we do them?
I’ve lost count of how many times a client has asked me to help them stop smoking, drinking, drug-taking, emotional eating. It’s as if they believe that hypnotherapy is a magic wand that can rid them of a deep desire to fulfil a need within them.
Sometimes, it is as easy as that. A habit, a way of responding that no longer benefits you, you just need help to break the destructive cycle.
But, sometimes it is a result of the client not meeting their own human needs. The Human Givens model explains this concept, as does Maslow’s Hierarchy of Criteria that, as humans, we need a certain set of things in place in order to meet our needs. And if there is a void, we will seek to fill it in whatever way is available a the time we seek to fill the void. The human givens describe what we need as:
Security — safe territory and an environment that allows us to develop fully
Attention (to give and receive it) — a form of nutrition
Sense of autonomy and control — having volition to make responsible choices
Emotional intimacy — to know that at least one other person accepts us totally for who we are, “warts 'n' all”
Feeling part of a wider community
Privacy — opportunity to reflect and consolidate experience
Sense of status within social groupings
Sense of competence and achievement
Meaning and purpose — which come from being stretched in what we do and think.
When we seek to meet our needs through smoking, drinking alcohol to excess, drug-taking, risk-taking behaviours and disordered eating and that need is met, then something interesting happens - we then code it as the way to respond to meet that need and it becomes an unconscious action or response - that’s why hypnotherapy works so well in resolving this.
However, there is something that you can do for yourself, that is free, that only requires consistency and practice.
Start prioritising your own needs in a balanced and healthy way that codes you as being equally important as all other humans in your community. That means looking after yourself instead of running yourself to depletion. That means affording yourself time to recharge - however you do that best. And making this the first thing on your to-do -list.
In a society where we are constantly ‘doing’ it is also very worthwhile learning to just ‘be’ and it is a skill that needs to be practised, especially if you are great at moving from one thing to another that you need to ‘do’ without pausing.
I created an easy to complete Replenishing graph that looks at what drains or depletes you and what replenishes or allows you to flourish.
Take a moment to complete it, and make sure that you do as many in the replenishing section as occurs in the depleting section. Then see what happens to the destructive behaviours you used to do.