Dealing with energy vampires
Have you ever noticed that you have felt completely drained after spending time with someone?
Before you meet with them, you feel happy, buoyant, energised but after you feel depleted, your mood is low or you’ve just felt completely drained of energy and emotionally lethargic.
These are energy vampires.
They don’t intend to sap you of your life force, it’s not a conscious or strategic to suck the energy out of you, it’s just that they tend to be emotionally immature people who draw on the resources of others to keep themselves energised - although that might be a stretch too far, more like a need to draw upon others resources so that they don’t feel completely devoid of emotional energy.
So how do you spot an energy vampire?
Your first clue will be that you feel worse after spending even the shortest of time with them on a consistent basis (we can all have off days where we need to draw upon the resources of others to help us get through a tough time, but this is usually limited and balanced by other times where we are actively uplifting to others).
The second clue will be that a person who is an energy vampire will come across as exciting, interesting, or with a promise of great things. Often they appear selfless on the outside but frequently have a hidden agenda to draw you in so that they can suck the life out of you.
Most energy vampires have a sense that the world should revolve around them, that others are there to yield to their misplaced sense of superiority, although this might be covert and less visible until you actively reflect and ponder your interactions with them.
Energy vampires are frequently involved in some kind of drama or over-inflate situations which are really rather insignificant and they often find it genuinely difficult to be happy for others and their successes.
In order to protect yourself from such attacks, there needs to be a two-part approach:
Take responsibility for your own emotional wellness.
Not relying on others for your own sense of happiness, contentment and emotional wellness will mean that you are less likely to look externally for resources thereby being less susceptible to attacks from an energy vampire.
Ensure that you put your own oxygen mask on, secure your own lifejacket first or fill your own jug of happiness, whichever metaphor you prefer.
Be curious about your own responses to this person, be open to self-reflective practices to see what you can do differently so that you can be less affected by the energy vampire, they can only sap your energy if you let them.
2. Consider your reasons for having this person in your life.
If you must spend time with an energy vampire, limit that time, agree to that time on your terms and make sure that you are emotionally recharged before you meet with them.
What are the benefits of having that person in your life and what is the cost?
Are you a ‘rescuer’ and wanting to rescue the energy vampire from their coffin of depletion?
7 Ways to spot an energy vampire:
They dismiss your problems and inflate their own.
They act like a martyr.
They criticise or bully or intimidate.
They use your kind nature against you for their own end.
They use guilt trips or ultimatums to get what they want.
There is frequent one-upmanship.
They are co-dependent.
5 Steps to take to protect yourself:
Establish clear boundaries.
Don’t budge an inch on those boundaries. The old saying don’t give them an inch otherwise they’ll take a mile.
Adjust your expectations of them, they are not for ‘fixing’.
Protect your own emotional energy.
Consider cutting all ties with them.
The bottom line
By recognising these behaviours for what they are, not taking it personally and trying to put an end to it, you’re protecting yourself, your health, and your overall well-being.
No one deserves to be mistreated or used in this manner. It’s certainly not your fault.
Some people refuse to accept responsibility or are completely unaware of their own emotional maturity — or rather immaturity and that isn’t your burden to bear.
If you have been affected by an energy vampire and would like some strategies and techniques to be unaffected by them then book a Discovery call so that you can find out more about how I can help you.