12 Rules for Life

This article was inspired by a book that I read recently called the 12 Rules for Life by Jordan B. Peterson, An antidote to chaos. When I say read – I listened to this one on an app called Blinkist which allows you to speed through books to gain the most poignant learnings from the book.

I read a lot of self-help and personal development books, it is part of my work ethic and healthy habits and has gained me many insights into how I can improve my own personal journey as well as bring some helpful ideas to my audience.

The 12 rules for life, in this article, are based on the 12 most useful things I have adopted to have a happier and healthier life. I hope that like me you take away a nugget or two of genius that you can apply in your life. Very different to the 12 Rules from the book, nevertheless, I hope you find them useful.

Rule number 1

Don’t take things personally. This is from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. We can often mistake another person’s ‘stuff’ as a reflection of what we may have said or done. However, more often than not, it has nothing to do with anything you may or may not have said or done and more to do with what that person is experiencing in their life. Don’t take it personally frees you from anxiety, self-doubt, and making any false assumptions or trying to mind-read a situation (Don’t make assumptions is another rule from The Four Agreements).

Rule number 2

Don’t try to walk in someone else’s shoes – they won’t fit and may end up giving your blisters. Many a client that I have worked with has suffered from this affliction. Thinking that because another person (usually one they respect) is doing something then so should they. Anything from the choice of clothing, house, car, and dietary choices to career, film, TV, music or training courses. Just because it suits someone else doesn’t make it a good choice for you. Know what you like and dislike, and know your preferences. And if you don’t, start finding out by checking in with yourself. How will I feel wearing this outfit/doing this training course? How will it benefit or enhance me and my future? If you can’t see a benefit or see yourself in the future being happy with your choice, then it is highly likely that it isn’t a good fit for you. Find what shoes suit your feet – perfectly – and stick with that.

Rule number 3

Learn to accept yourself as you are. Anything else and you will be creating despair, wanton wishful thinking and anxiety. Acceptance opens doors to growth so have the courage to look in the mirror and acknowledge where and who you really are. I see it a bit like sitting in your car and thinking that your starting point is London when you are really in Edinburgh. You have your directions to hand, and you follow them – precisely. But instead of arriving in York, you drive into the North Sea.

Rule number 4

Celebrate the small joys in life. By celebrating the small joys in life, you create an abundance of happy hormones. After all, humans will either avoid pain or seek pleasure. By seeing the pleasure in the everyday small stuff you will create more happiness. If you wait for the big stuff, and only celebrate the big stuff then you will create scarcity and famine – and be waiting for a long time in between celebrations. This is probably one of the easiest healthy habits to create.

Rule number 5

Don’t jump into drama. Life is full of drama without having to really try. The broken-down car just before an important appointment, the power cut amidst an important video call, and the child who comes down with a sickness bug just before a long-awaited family holiday. Some humans have an addiction to drama. They either love creating it and jump for joy observing the chaos when they’ve hooked an unsuspecting victim into theirs, or they love being the rescuer in someone else’s drama taking pleasure from being able to provide a solution or just be in the thick of it, or perhaps they create drama by being the victim and manipulating others into rescuing them. Whatever drama is occurring, you have one important question to ask yourself – do I want to accept this invitation to this drama knowing that by doing so, it will become my drama. If the answer is no, then have the courage to politely decline the invitation and walk on by.

Rule number 6

Put your own oxygen mask on first. This is something I find myself talking about frequently, mainly to Mums but also to anyone who has a caring and nurturing nature. There is a difference between helping people because you can, you have the energy and capability to and it benefits both the helper and the helpee. This isn’t so beneficial when a person steps into helping others to the point they end up drained themselves. You cannot pour from an empty depleted cup so make sure that you take care of yourself first so that you have an abundance to give to others.

Rule number 7

This is one for procrastinators. Set yourself a time limit and in the words of Nike ‘Just Do It’. Often the stories we make up and tell ourselves are far worse than just getting on with the job and getting it done. If you find yourself delaying or avoiding, give yourself a kind kick up the proverbial and Just Do It. You’ll feel much better after, I promise.

Rule number 8

Disappointment comes from your expectations not being met. If you had an expectation and it is not met, then just shout ‘plot twist’ and move on. We can get caught up in the despair of disappointment but the moment we realise that it was only ever our imagined expectations that created the disappointment in the first place then we are a step closer to letting go of those expectations and moving on.

Rule number 9

Don’t sit in the rocking chair of life. Ruminating requires you to spend a lot of time either in the future (anxiety) or in the past (depression), neither of which you can influence or change. Ruminating in an unhelpful way is a bit like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but doesn’t really get you anywhere. Ruminating also requires a significant amount of energy, so if you don’t want to add fatigue to the list, then please get out of the rocking chair.

 Rule number 10

Look at every action as if it were energy. Every action will either be energy in or energy out. The key to a happy life is to have balance in your energy. Is reading that email empowering or draining? Is eating that food energising or stupefying? Is that person building you up or tearing you down?

Rule number 11

Those who stand for nothing will fall for anything. If you don’t have any boundaries, don’t complain when someone walks all over you. If you do not know your own mind, then you will quickly adopt someone else’s. A farmer has fences, walls and gates for good reason – to protect his boundaries, his stock, and his livelihood. But not so much that it is inaccessible. Know what is important to you and set clear boundaries. If you don’t then you will accept anything and deplete your self-esteem.

Rule number 12

Set yourself on a path to continual self-improvement by identifying one thing that you would like to improve. Create a plan, which then becomes a healthy habit, and introduce this new healthy habit by adding or connecting it to something you already habitually do – such as brushing your teeth. If you want to improve your core strength, create a healthy habit to do 10 push-ups and 10 sit-ups just before or after you brush your teeth. It is much easier to create great change by adopting easy healthy habitual habits. The pennies soon mount up to pounds.