Stop waiting, worrying or wishing!
How much energy do you spend waiting, worrying or wishing?
Waiting for someone else to make decisions for you?
Worrying about what may or may not happen, as if you had a crystal ball?
Wishing things were different? Happier, wealthier, slimmer, living somewhere else, other behaviours were different?
Are you a prolific waiter? Waiting for someone else to decide what you’re having for dinner, waiting for your friends to message you, waiting for someone else to make you happy, waiting for a better job to come along, waiting for the solution to your problems to magically land in your lap?
This way of thinking and behaving is incredibly disempowering, putting the decisions of your life in other people’s hands and wondering why you are disappointed when their actions or responses fall short of your expectations. You don’t get the dinner you fancied, your friend doesn’t message you, other people don’t deliver on making you happy, that magic wand is never waved, you stay in the same job - forever!
Are you a persistent worrier? Always asking yourself the Great Big What If question? What if I say something stupid, what if I don’t like it/them, what if I get it wrong, what if it doesn’t work out, what if I can’t cope, what if the sky falls in?
Unless you are gifted with a crystal ball that sees into the future, you have no way of knowing what will come next, you can only influence the here and now. Worrying takes away the peace of the present, it steals the joy from the moment, and it creates anxiety, helplessness, fear and panic.
Do you wish for things to be different? Wishing you weren’t so stressed, wishing you were different, wishing that things were the way they used to be, wishing other people would be nicer/kinder, wishing you had what others have?
Always wanting something that you don’t currently have is a fast way to despair. Wishful thinking is based on an imagined scenario that appears to be pleasing yet is rarely based on evidence or reality, creating a disparity between belief and desire and therefore a sense of despair and hopelessness.
All of these behaviours expend huge amounts of energy with little or no effective or productive outcomes. And you wonder why you are tired, anxious, exhausted, depleted, sad, or down.
Effective ways to stop waiting, worrying or wishing
Waiting:
Ask yourself, who is responsible? Me or someone else? If the answer is you, then make that decision, and get on with whatever it is.
Ask yourself, what positive outcome will I achieve by waiting? If there isn’t one then get proactive.
Consider how you will feel after you have acted? Will you feel good, relieved, or happier? If so, what is stopping you?
Worrying
Ask yourself, is this really a possibility? If the answer is no then distract and divert your thoughts and energy to something else that is in the present.
Ground yourself. Grounding exercises help interrupt or distract from anxious thoughts, these can include physical movement, visualisation, breathing or shock tactics such as holding ice or snapping a rubber band that is around your wrist.
Deal with it IF IT HAPPENS
Wishing
For every wishful thought you have, write it down. Then delete all the ones that are entirely unrealistic. Then prioritise those that are realistic and work out of you want them to be a goal (actionable steps towards) or a wanton desire. You are unlikely to ever achieve the latter.
If you find yourself wishing you were someone else, remind yourself that you are here and now and this is your reality. Anything you wish to change requires action from you - are you willing to take action? If the answer is no, then distract your thoughts and energy to the present moment. If the answer is yes, then they become a goal.
For those that are actionable, decide if you are willing to do what is necessary to achieve your goal, is it reasonable? (I am never going to have a flat stomach no matter how much I wish for it - 4 children, my physical design and a dislike of cosmetic surgery conclude that!) and does it fit in with who you are and your life? If it meets these criteria then formulate a plan of action.
Perhaps you think that the above is a bit harsh, perhaps you don’t. I’ve seen the limiting and destructive consequences of the above and would not want that for anyone.
You are amazing, use your energy, and your abilities wisely and be the best version of you that you can be.
Love you lots!