Have you noticed that angry people have a tough time being kind yet kind people find it hard to be angry?

Anger is a powerful emotion that can cloud judgment and influence behaviour. When people are angry, their focus often shifts to their own feelings of frustration, injustice, or hurt. This intense emotional state can make it difficult for them to consider the perspectives or needs of others, leading to a lack of kindness.

Here are some reasons why angry people may find it challenging to be kind:

·         Emotional overload: Anger can overwhelm individuals, making it challenging to control their emotions or respond empathetically. They may be consumed by their anger, causing them to prioritise their own feelings over kindness toward others.

·         Tunnel vision: When angry, people tend to have a narrow focus on what they perceive as the source of their anger. This can limit their ability to see the bigger picture or understand other people's intentions or circumstances. As a result, they may disregard the importance of being kind in those moments.

·         Reactivity and impulsivity: Anger often triggers impulsive reactions and can lead to aggressive or confrontational behaviour. In this state, people may act without considering the consequences or the impact their actions may have on others. Kindness requires thoughtful consideration and self-control, which can be difficult to exercise when anger takes hold.

·         Negative bias: Anger can fuel negative thinking patterns, leading to a biased perception of others and a tendency to interpret their actions or words in a negative light. This negative bias can make it harder for angry individuals to extend kindness or give others the benefit of the doubt.

·         Protecting self-interests: Anger can arise from a sense of threat or injustice, leading people to prioritise their own needs or self-preservation. In such cases, kindness may be viewed as a vulnerability or a compromise that could undermine their position or self-worth.

Kind people often find it hard to be angry for several reasons:

·         Empathy and Compassion: Kind individuals typically have a strong sense of empathy and compassion towards others. They genuinely care about the well-being and feelings of those around them. This empathy makes it challenging for them to get angry because they can understand and relate to the perspectives and emotions of others, which often leads to more patience and forgiveness.

·         Conflict Avoidance: Kind people generally prefer harmony and peace over conflict. They strive to maintain positive relationships and avoid confrontations that may harm others or themselves. Consequently, they may suppress or downplay their anger to maintain a peaceful atmosphere.

·         Emotional Regulation: Kind individuals often have well-developed emotional regulation skills. They have learned to manage and control their emotions effectively, which allows them to respond calmly and thoughtfully even in challenging situations. This emotional regulation may make it more difficult for them to access and express anger.

·         Selflessness and Prioritising Others: Kind individuals tend to prioritise the needs and happiness of others over their own. They may be more inclined to give others the benefit of the doubt, forgive easily, or prioritise maintaining the relationship rather than expressing anger. Their focus on the well-being of others can make it harder for them to allow anger to dominate their responses.

·         Personal Values and Beliefs: Kind people often hold values and beliefs centred around kindness, empathy, and understanding. These values guide their behaviour and attitudes, and they may view anger as counterproductive or contrary to their principles. Consequently, they may find it difficult to embrace anger as an appropriate or constructive emotional response.

If you find yourself expressing anger in an unhelpful way, there are many simple steps that you can take to learn healthy ways to express your emotions without causing upset to others, here are some tried and tested methods for managing your anger better and learning to become a kinder and calmer person:

Focus on others: Kindness puts others at the centre. Focusing on others without any expectations of anything in return will build your levels of compassion, understanding, and goodwill.

Offer a helping hand: Your time can be one of the most precious gifts you can give. We often struggle to ask for help so to have it offered can be sincerely transformational for those in receipt and helps you by giving you purpose, meaning and connection.

Be there to listen: Being a good listener is undervalued and underused. A lot of the time, we listen only to respond. Being there to listen intently to a friend or family member can relieve stress, pressure, and anxiety. Remember that being good listener requires you to give your full attention.

Random acts of kindness: Do something kind, just because you can. Tell a stranger they are looking radiant today. Purchase a coffee for the person behind you in the queue. Leave a kind or motivational note on the windscreen of a car in the car park. Random acts of kindness, especially to strangers has a huge impact on the energy far beyond yourself and can spread like a contagion.

Stay connected: There is no excuse for not checking in and connecting with family and friends when we have access to immediate communication. A simple check-in text or call lets others know you are thinking of them. When available, connecting face to face offers something a text or phone call cannot.

Expect good things to happen and be a positive light: Having a positive mental state and being optimistic helps you spread the same to those around you. It also attracts the same type of energy. Be a glass half full kind of person rather than a glass half empty kind of person.

Smile at others: What happens when someone passes you and smiles? We are triggered to smile back. Smiling is contagious and has a positive effect on our mental health. It makes us feel better and acknowledged.

Compliment others: Complimenting others is an easy way to show kindness. It helps others feel seen, releasing a boost of endorphins associated with the reward centres of the brain. Kindness is two-fold.

Be kind to yourself: Don’t forget that self-compassion and kindness to self is just as important and essential as showing kindness to those around you. If you are unable to accept self-compassion and find value in yourself, it will be harder to spread kindness. Kindness is two-fold in that it boosts your own sense of worth as well as boosting those around you – and it is free!

It's important to note that anger is a natural emotion and can serve a purpose in certain situations. However, it's crucial to learn healthy ways to manage anger and develop emotional intelligence to balance it with kindness and empathy. With self-awareness, anger management techniques, and practice, individuals can work towards being kinder, even in challenging moments. Whilst kindness and anger can coexist, the expression of anger varies among individuals. Some kind individuals may express their anger in a measured and assertive manner when necessary, while others may struggle to express anger at all. It is a personal trait influenced by a combination of factors, including individual temperament, upbringing, and personal experiences.