I know I am a butterfly but I keep getting told I am not - a story of internal conflict resolution

I often talk about the well-known fable about the two wolves within and for those of you who don’t know it, it is recited below.

I use it mostly as a tool to help people young and old understand that they have a choice about which ‘wolf’ they feed. Frequently, I take this fable and allow it to unfold and expand beyond its original meaning and allow my clients to decide which opposing wolves they have and how they can learn to tame each one or even allow them to change their perspectives so that the two wolves can learn to compliment each other rather than oppose each other.

My fondest memory was working with a young carer, it was apparent that she did not possess an angry wolf at all, so the meaning of this fable in its original form would not relate to her. So as we discussed the idea of opposing wolves, with no preconceived ideas about their qualities, it was decided that she had a strong kind wolf, but also a very sad wolf. Allowing her the freedom to explore this, and by giving her a choice, she decided that she wanted to create a happy wolf and start feeding this wolf much more. The result was that her sad wolf began to transform into a confident wolf, and she became a much happier person for it.

Another wonderful use for this fable was to allow the creatures to morph into something more relatable to the client. An instance that springs to mind was when a young client, wary of the pictures of wolves, was encouraged to use the moral of this story but with the use of butterflies.

As she happily drew and coloured in her happy butterfly, she again didn’t appear to have a particularly well-fed angry butterfly so as we continued talking, I asked what other kinds of butterflies she had. Without a skip, she described the butterfly that knew it was a butterfly but had been told that it wasn’t a butterfly so many times that it was now confused and sad. I asked her what this butterfly would love to be like if it were to take itself from the caterpillar stage when it knew it was a caterpillar and was sure it was a caterpillar, through the stages of transformation in the cocoon and emerge in a way that it always knew it should be like. The drawing was amazing, unique, individual, quirky, and colourful, and defined boundaries between the sections which were more like the four basic personality types from DISC than the usual mirror image of patterns that you usually see on a butterfly.

When I asked how it felt to connect to this butterfly, she very assertedly said, ‘It feels more like me’

We all have wolves within, sometimes just one or two, sometimes many more. Our responsibility to ourselves is to identify which wolves are not serving our true selves in the behaviours that we have fed them to become. Decide which wolves we need to start feeding and set about creating small, achievable, daily habits that feed and embody our positive emotions and virtuous qualities, that represent compassion, love, kindness, and all the noble attributes of our character.

Once upon a time, in a serene forest nestled between tall mountains, there was a wise old hermit. This hermit was known far and wide for his wisdom and deep understanding of life. People from all walks of life sought his counsel, hoping to find guidance and enlightenment.

One day, a troubled young villager approached the hermit, burdened by conflicting emotions and seeking clarity. With a heavy heart, the young villager shared his struggles, saying, "Wise hermit, I feel torn between two opposing forces within me. It's as if two wolves reside in my heart, constantly at odds with each other. One is filled with anger, envy, and resentment, while the other is compassionate, loving, and kind. I feel like they're in a constant battle, and I don't know how to find peace."

The hermit listened attentively and nodded, understanding the internal turmoil the young villager was experiencing. After a moment of contemplation, he began to share a story.

"In the depths of each one of us," the hermit began, "there indeed reside two wolves. They represent the dualities of our nature—the light and the darkness, the good and the bad. These wolves symbolize the choices we make and the actions we take."

"The first wolf, filled with anger, envy, and resentment, represents our negative emotions and destructive tendencies. It feeds on our doubts, fears, and selfish desires. When we allow this wolf to dominate our thoughts and actions, it grows stronger, bringing chaos and disharmony into our lives."

"The second wolf, on the other hand, embodies our positive emotions and virtuous qualities. It represents compassion, love, kindness, and all the noble attributes of our character. When we nurture this wolf, it grows stronger, radiating peace, joy, and harmony."

The young villager listened intently, absorbing the hermit's words. He asked, "But wise hermit, if these wolves are constantly battling within us, which one will ultimately prevail?"

The hermit smiled gently and replied, "The one that wins the battle, my dear friend, is the one you choose to feed. You see, within each of us lies the power of choice. We have the ability to nourish the wolf of anger, envy, and resentment, or to feed the wolf of compassion, love, and kindness. It is through our choices that we determine which wolf grows stronger."

He continued, "To find peace and harmony, you must consciously choose to feed the wolf of compassion and love. Cultivate positive thoughts, perform acts of kindness, and practice forgiveness. As you nurture this wolf within, its influence will grow, and it will guide you towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life."

The young villager thanked the hermit for his wisdom and left with a newfound understanding. From that day forward, he embraced the power of choice, striving to feed the wolf of compassion and love within him, and gradually, he found the peace and harmony he had been seeking.

And so, the story of the two wolves served as a timeless reminder that our thoughts and actions shape our character, and by consciously choosing to nurture the positive aspects within us, we can lead a more virtuous and fulfilling life.