The Emotional Identity Technique: Aligning Identities and Relationships
A Revolutionary Approach to Coaching and Personal Growth
The Emotional Identity Technique (EIT) is an innovative coaching method that combines three powerful modalities to help individuals align their identities and relationships. Whether used as a complete process or tailored to individual client needs, this technique offers a fresh and flexible approach to personal transformation.
The Creation of the Emotional Identity Technique
My journey into Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) as a practitioner was life-changing. It not only reshaped my understanding of human behavior but also inspired me to create a thriving coaching practice and develop the Emotional Identity Technique. Rooted in NLP principles, this technique is a culmination of various teachings and insights, forming a unique, outcome-free coaching approach.
Understanding Identity Misalignment
Have you ever reacted to a situation in a way that felt inconsistent with your wisdom, experience, or age? This phenomenon, known as identity misalignment, is common in everyday interactions. Imagine a family disagreement that should be a rational discussion but instead escalates into blame, frustration, and emotional distress. This reaction often occurs because we are subconsciously tethered to a younger version of ourselves, responding with the emotional competence of our past selves rather than our present capabilities.
Integral Eye Movement Therapy (IEMT) explores this idea through the question: "How did we learn to be this way?" By understanding how identity misalignment occurs, we can develop methods to realign ourselves with the most resourceful version of our identity.
The Foundation of a New Approach
My interest in identity work deepened during my NLP training, particularly while studying Dilts' Logical Levels model. This model explores the hierarchy of individual and group processes, providing insights into how change occurs. While NLP has many techniques focused on beliefs, I noticed a lack of structured processes specifically addressing identity work. This curiosity ultimately led to the development of the Emotional Identity Technique.
A Turning Point: Integrating IEMT
Training in Integral Eye Movement Therapy marked a pivotal moment in the creation of this technique. I realised that realigning an individual's identity wasn’t necessarily about matching their current age but rather connecting them to a time when they had the best resources for decision-making. This realization inspired what was initially called the Emotional Identity Relationship Alignment Technique—later refined for practicality while preserving its core essence.
Practical Applications and Client Success Stories
One breakthrough moment in developing this technique came while working with a grieving client who had lost his life partner. Using the Family Systems model from the Social Panorama teachings, we updated his perception of himself and his relationships. Initially, he saw himself alone in the world. By reintroducing his partner into his internal landscape and utilizing submodality shifts, he gained confidence and found comfort in navigating life with the memory of his partner alongside him.
Another significant influence came from a series of workshops for individuals contemplating divorce or separation. Through techniques like "My Family Landscape" and a submodality shift inspired by Dr. David Hamilton’s book I Heart Me, participants discovered a powerful method for self-compassion and healing. Inspired by Kris and Tim Hallbom’s "giving the gift" technique, these exercises provided individuals with the emotional resources they needed to move forward.
A Trauma-Informed Approach to Identity Alignment
The Emotional Identity Technique incorporates psychosomatic theories and trauma-informed practices from thought leaders like Evette Rose (Metaphysical Anatomy), Dr. Gabor Maté, Bessel van der Kolk, and Connirae Andreas (Wholeness Work). These influences emphasise the importance of healing, integrating, and aligning all aspects of the self for holistic well-being.
A Unique Fusion of Insights
Combining identity work from IEMT, the relational perspectives of the Family Systems model, and the self-compassion techniques of "giving the gift," the Emotional Identity Technique enables individuals to:
Update their identity
Bridge gaps between different aspects of themselves
Transform how they perceive themselves and significant others
Access the internal resources needed for fulfilling relationships
The foundational belief behind this approach is that we already possess the necessary resources for growth—the key is unlocking and aligning them.
Flexibility and Accessibility for Coaches and Therapists
A core goal in developing this technique was to create a flexible tool accessible to professionals from diverse backgrounds. Unlike traditional NLP methods that emphasise well-formed outcomes, EIT allows clients to arrive at their own conclusions organically. This is particularly beneficial for individuals recovering from controlling relationships, where personal identity has often been suppressed. The technique provides a path to rediscovering oneself and accessing vital inner resources.
A Transformational Tool for Personal Development
The Emotional Identity Technique is a versatile, identity-level coaching method that can be integrated into existing NLP and therapeutic practices. It is particularly effective for:
Personal growth and self-discovery
Enhancing communication and relationships
Improving decision-making skills
Boosting confidence and self-esteem
Assisting individuals in healing from trauma and emotional distress
A New Chapter in Personal Transformation
By addressing identity alignment, the Emotional Identity Technique adds a valuable dimension to coaching and personal development. It provides a comprehensive method for resolving emotional and behavioral challenges while fostering a deeper connection to oneself.
Unlike traditional problem-solving approaches, this technique focuses on realigning identities, healing emotional wounds, and empowering individuals to live authentically. As we embrace this approach, we open new doors to self-awareness, resilience, and personal growth, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.
The journey of self-discovery is ongoing, and the Emotional Identity Technique serves as a powerful companion along the way. By integrating this method into coaching and therapy, professionals and individuals alike can navigate life’s challenges with greater wisdom, confidence, and emotional intelligence, fostering lasting positive change.
If you’re interested in training in The Emotional Identity Technique, head to The Mind Body Gut Training Company Website for upcoming dates and to book.
This article was originally written for The Association of NLP and their Rapport Magazine.