It's OK to feel overwhelmed and vulnerable
As NLP (neuro-linguistic programmer) practitioners, we are taught to focus on the positives, to use language that focuses on what we want more of rather than what we don't want.
There are many reasons for this; our brain cannot process a negative want; we already seem to be very capable of focusing on the negatives and we seem to have the ability to be negatively biased and edit out the good times and reflect on the bad times.
But sometimes there is a time and a place to recognise that things are tough, we're not bouncing back as quickly as we used to or perhaps that we're feeling entirely sunk.
I'm sure there are plenty of articles about the recent uncertainty and challenges that a global pandemic brings so I won't dwell on these too much. However, what I will say is that as human beings, we are ill-equipped to deal with prolonged stressors.
Imagine a bridge across a river, whether it be the Forth Bridge in Scotland, the Pearl Bridge in Japan, the Golden Gate Bridge CA, or the Severn Bridge in England/Wales. These bridges were designed to take a finite amount of stress. They've been built to withstand the stressors of weight and weather. But what happens if they're not maintained? What happens if a fault occurs, and it isn't rectified? That bridge becomes less capable of enduring the very stressors it was designed to and eventually, without remedial action being taken, will eventually fail and break.
We are a bit like bridges - if we are well-maintained, if we take action to repair any faults that occur, then we can endure many stressors of life. There is a finite amount of stress that we can cope with, and each person has their own individual maximum load before the cracks appear.
That is when our resilience is affected, that is when we can easily become overwhelmed and unable to deal with the simplest of everyday tasks.
What has added to our stressors are:
isolation from friends and family.
lack of structure and routine.
uncertainty about finances and jobs
reduction in access to health services
restrictions on movement and freedom
lack of basic provisions such as food and fuel
the invisible and unpredictable threat of Covid-19
loss of loved ones
I'm sure that there are more and forgive me for any oversight, especially if it has been a major stressor in your life.
What can happen, when layer upon layer of stress occurs, is that things mount up. The pressure becomes too great, and we can't seem to shed the increasing burden, so we bow down, we sink a little, and the things we used to be able to deal with suddenly become a struggle. This then adds to the stressors as we begin to feel out of control of ourselves. The worry mounts up and adds to the weight even more.
If this sounds like you, if you are feeling like this and it resonates with you then please be reassured that this time will pass. It is easy to get caught up in the notion that the way that you feel now has some kind of permanency - it hasn't. Like all the other stressors you've already dealt with and survived, this too shall pass.
So, when the cracks have started to appear and you can no longer bear the weight you once could, what do you do?
Go back to basics. One step at a time. One small achievement at a time.
Make a list of all the things that are stressing you out.
Highlight those that you are in control of and can change (apply the Serenity Prayer*).
Choose one, preferably one that is easy, that you are bound to be able to resolve.
Plan to put those changes into place to resolve it.
Think about how you will feel once you have already achieved it.
Reflect on your progress and make any necessary adjustments to stay on track.
Once you have resolved that one stressor, start on the next.
If you need help, ask.
For the full article It's OK to not feel resilient and feel overwhelmed - Life Coach Directory (lifecoach-directory.org.uk)