The Power of Words
What we say to ourselves matters.
The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what we are capable of and where we fit in the world around us can make the difference between self-loathing and self-assuredness.
We spend a lot of time in our own heads and often it’s not a nice place to be, full of criticisms, put-downs, limiting beliefs, self-doubt often with content that we wouldn’t even contemplate saying to others yet somehow it is OK to say to ourselves.
I know this, for despite my extensive training, I still have the odd moment when my own head seems to spiral off into some unknown abyss of self-doubt.
The other day, I went out running, if you know me at all you’ll know that I run – quite a lot. I know I am capable; I know I can run distance and not get injured. Yet somehow, on this day, that internal saboteur voice was very loud.
Best you run the short route, you can’t do it today.
Your legs just aren’t up to it.
You’ll get a bad back and be in pain for the next few days.
You’ll regret it.
Turn back, go home, just give it up today.
I’m sure there were many more as it felt like a herd of self-doubting wildebeest were stampeding through my head in turmoil.
Then there was this other voice, that thankfully I have trained over the years to deal with such occasions. It’s my inner coach, it’s the one that I needed to encourage to be more compassionate, supportive, understanding, non-judgemental, kind and accepting. And this one said:
See how you feel when you get to the junction, decide how you feel then.
How will you feel afterwards having taken the shorter route?
How will you feel afterwards having completed the longer run?
Which one will benefit you most, either is OK, you’re still running?
Do what is best for you today and if you need to you can always call John and ask him to pick you up, it’s OK.
Then the fear-based self-doubt went away, this changes your physiology, it increases ability for you are not producing stress hormones that your body must work hard to process. I know this, many don’t.
As a result, I ran further than predicted. I walked some of it, mainly because it was off-road and impassable and some of it because it felt right to do so.
To put it into perspective. I wanted to give up after 1 mile, turn around and go home. The short route was 4 miles, I completed 6 miles – at a reasonable pace and felt fine.
The power of your words, the strength of your mind will determine the difference between can and can’t.
So how do you learn to change these self-sabotaging thoughts.
1. Notice that is exactly what they are, thoughts that come and go, they are not reality, they will come and go and will be forgotten in a very short space of time.
2. Be aware of your patterns and when you notice one of them, pause. Pausing is a powerful tool for it gives your brain time to switch to creative growth mindset (as opposed to reactive fixed mindset).
3. Start a conversation with yourself that is based on your own best coach. Complete the activity to discover what this is for you.
4. Use your future self to decide what is best for you, how will you feel afterwards, whether that is immediately afterwards, hours, days, weeks, or years will be dependent on the decision you are making.
5. It’s not about right or wrong. This is often the inaccurate way of looking at situations. Some better ways to resolve or quieten the inner saboteur is to ask:
Will this enhance my life?
Does this benefit/serve me?
Will it be beneficial for my future self?
Is it life-enhancing?
